Standing Still
by allegra21
Summary: Surely, being reunited with his flower girl is infinitely sweeter than any vision in the world. Set 6 years after the FFVII: AC. Bittersweet. Oneshot.


Set 6 years after the FFVII: AC. Bittersweet. One-shot.

Summary: Surely, being reunited with his flower girl is infinitely sweeter than any vision in the world.

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**Standing Still**  
By Allegra

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.  
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;  
so I love you because I know no other way than this:  
where I does not exist, nor you,  
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,  
so close that when you close your eyes I fall asleep.

-Pablo Neruda

**---------------------------------**

Cloud dusted off his mud-encased gloves. He had just finished planting the new geranium bulbs around the small pond. Ever since that last battle with Kadaj, the small pool never dried up. The water flowed straight from currents deep from the earth-- the Lifestream itself.

"Those flowers are looking uh- well, huh?" Cid commented awkwardly, scratching the back of his blond head. A remark coming from a man perplexed to find his ultra-macho friend nose deep in the dirt, planting… _flowers._

Cloud had his usual determined set to his jaw that made him look as tough as he could while gardening.

"Yeah. They grow much better around water."

Cloud waited for his reply, then looked up from his haunches when it didn't come.

"Say… I'm going down Seventh Heaven for decent chow…" Cid wore a self-conscious smirk at the corner of his mouth.

Cloud looked away. "I'm fine, thanks."

Cloud felt Cid's eyes on him. He seemed torn about saying something, and then decided to drop it.

"…Alright. Take care, huh?" Cid's hand patted Cloud's shoulder. "You should visit Seventh Heaven sometime. Yuffie told me that Tifa's beginning to show." Cid chuckled. "We're gonna be the godparents."

----------------

Cloud knelt on the ground, a trowel digging through the soil. His body went through the motions of planting, already automatic with him, while his mind processed the latest news that Cid brought him.

Tifa and Vincent. It was the unlikeliest pair—nobody had seen it coming, including him. It all started with Tifa going with Vincent to the 'phone shop'. After that, everyone around them began noticing the not-so-hidden looks that the pair were giving to each other. Tifa also started mysteriously disappearing from the Seventh Heaven from time to time, presumably to go with the equally arcane Avalanche fighter.

Cloud was happy for both of them, especially for Tifa… He knew he could never be of any real company to Tifa anyway… when Aerith had died, she had taken a part of him with her. A piece of his soul that he knew he could get back only if he… well, died and joined her.

Clouds sighed, wiping his hands on his pant legs.

He had, as he shamefully admits, considered to be with Tifa. Tifa had loved him, he knew as much. She couldn't hide her feelings as well as she thought she did…and how could anyone truly hide something like that? The eyes are the windows to one's soul. It can tell volumes about a person's heart. He knows this for a fact, as he stared down into the eyes of countless adversaries…

Besides which, you do not leave someone who is still with you.

Cloud smiled, blue eyes glittering warmly.

She always made herself felt… Many nights when he hovered between waking and sleep, he felt her cool hand on his brow… There were times he found himself about to wake up, he saw her bending towards him—just like when he woke up when he fell through the roof of her church and fell on her flowers…

There were also times he could actually hear her... For a while, he thought he was losing his mind. He ignored this for a few days. And then one morning, he felt fingers brush softly against his ear.

_Ne, Cloud… visit my church for me. My flowers are beginning to wilt…_

He ambled confusedly to his bike and roared to Aerith's church. Sure enough, as he stared down the browning leaves of her plants, he heard another call from her: _Will you plant some more flower bulbs so they'll grow in time for spring?_

**_Aerith?_** Cloud whispered hopefully. _You really are talking to me, aren't you?_

She giggled a bit. _Of course I am, silly…_

Cloud closed his eyes, a small smile touching his lips. So it -_was-_ you… those nights when I thought I had someone with me—it was you, wasn't it?

_I have always been with you, Cloud. I've never left you…_

_Can I_… he swallowed the lump in his throat. _Can I see you?_

She did let him see her. A lot of times. She visited him in dreams, where they walk on endlessly green fields. They would talk endlessly for hours… other times, they wouldn't talk at all… just lie quietly on the grass, listening to each other breathe… marveling how warm she felt to his touch. Cloud would almost always know when he was about to wake up. Aerith would get this look on her face, while she cradled his head on her lap.

"Time to wake up, Cloud."

There were times he wished he wouldn't anymore.

And then Aerith suddenly stopped talking to him.

The few nights she didn't, he tried to explain that maybe she had somewhere to go, someone to watch over… but after a month he began to panic. It was the most terrible feeling in the world, it was like losing her all over again. Aerith, Kami, where were you?

She finally told him that he needed to let her go… find himself another girl… Even go with Tifa. He couldn't believe his ears—Aerith wanted him to go with another? And then what will she do, turn the other way around and cover her ears when they share the marriage bed? And for a lifetime of that?

_But I want you to be happy, Cloud… _

I _am_ happy, Aerith, he insisted. _You_ are here. You didn't die.

…_But I am not alive, either._

No, _no_. You _can't_ be asking me this...

She still refused to talk to him after that. A month passed. Half a year. Two. Silence. Tifa had moved on, and married Vincent. Still silence. It became the most painful standoff in his entire life. Both were adamant, convinced of their beliefs and convictions.

Five years. Still no answer.

My heart finally caved in. I raised my blurry gaze to the Church's ceiling, angry and hurt.

_I won't do it… Do you hear me?_ He glared angrily to the walls.

…_How can you ask me to leave… when you are still here?…_

His shoulders shook with barely contained grief. Cloud's vision swam, sobs racking his body.

_Aerith… don't do this to me… I can't…_

_Cloud, I am sorr…_ Aerith choked, feeling her heart being torn to pieces. _I only wanted for you—I did it for you— _Tears streamed down her cheeks at the sight of his pain. _Oh, Cloud, forgive me…_

Her ghostly form descended over Cloud's bent figure.

Cloud found himself once again in her heavenly sanctuary, her arms outstretched towards him.

---

"Wow, it's so beautiful!" Marlene gushed.

At the Church's entrance grew a vine of flowers, forming an arch over its massive doors. Flowers also grew freely all around it, framing the worn walls of Aerith's church.

Marlene ran straight for the small pond, drawn by how Aerith's daffodils flourished around her pond.

"Do you like it?" Cloud asked Marlene, smiling slightly.

"I love it!" Marlene gushed, touching the white and yellow blooms of the daffodils.

"It's almost as if… as if she's here…" Marlene sighed. Twelve years old, and she already exhibited depth and understanding beyond her years.

"Don't you… ever get lonely?"

"Sometimes…" Cloud shrugged. "but I have you." Cloud playfully tapped on Marlene's button nose. "And all the other children…"

Marlene leaned her head over to Cloud's shoulder. She looked up at him, with eyes that reminded him so much of Aerith.

_You really love oneechan…_

Yes, I do. Very much.

"_Would you like to buy a flower? They're only one gil…"_

"_My flowers broke your fall..."_

"_I want to meet… you."_

"_I've never thought badly of you… you came here for me, didn't you?…"_

_"You came... even if you were falling apart..." _

"_You're alright now, ne?…"_

Marlene ran off to join Denzel and the rest of the children.

Lonely? Yes, he does wish that Aerith be here… where the sun's rays will touch her skin once again, and her eyes will sparkle with happiness once more.

…But the truth was, he already was _with_ her. He can see her, he can talk to her... But surely, being reunited with his flower girl is infinitely sweeter than any vision in the world. Even if it was certain that he will float in her presence, in dreams—that world between sleep and reality, the certainty that at the end of the road, Aerith will be waiting for him is enough to keep him going.

Fate has decreed that he go on for her, then so be it. Aerith, whose death brought him to his knees and made him yearn for his own death, also gave him the strength to move on. And so he's still here... on his feet, standing still.

_My heart shall always be yours, Aerith._

A gust of soothing wind blew from nowhere, invisible fingers smoothing over Cloud's brow.

_As mine is yours, Cloud._

---

Hold on to what is good,  
Even if it's a handful of earth.  
Hold on to what you believe,  
Even if it's a tree that stands by itself.  
Hold on to what you must do,  
Even if it's a long way from here.  
Hold on to your life,  
Even if it's easier to let go.  
Hold on to my hand,  
Even if someday I'll be gone away from you.

A Pueblo Indian Prayer

---

I didn't want to write a sad fic, but I wanted to follow how the movie set the characters up. I myself, not into these kind of fics—I actually love fluffy ones. I just thought this story would be the most likely turnout if we were to follow the movie. Anyway, I wanted to demonstrate that as much as Cloud may have let go of his demons and his guilt, it doesn't mean he has let go of his love for Aerith. I also got inspired by the Ending Song "Calling" mtv at the end of the movie. If one has listened to the music all the way to the end, it was clear where Cloud's bike was heading—towards the fields where Aerith was standing/waiting on. Cloud may now be free, riding on with life, but at the road's end Aerith will be.

…

Ah, heck. I never cared that much about canon, anyway. (sniff) I also want Aeris and Cloud's happily-ever-after, darnit! So go read Lilflyergirl "Of Angels and Soldiers" :D Long live fanfiction, bwahaha!


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